i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
