I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My ass is underappreciated
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
