The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
