i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
dude. I can hear the air.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
