I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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