But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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