this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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