Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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