he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
