I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
