Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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