i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
