i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she looked like the before picture.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
