That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
