i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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