you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
