We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
