Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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