so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
