I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
