Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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