Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
