I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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