K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you inspire me to be a worse person
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
