are you still at the devil's house?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
