Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
my poor anus
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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