I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
