she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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