The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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