Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
