Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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