Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
