Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
this will be a night to untag.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
