dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
