she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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