also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
