Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
