Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
