It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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