I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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