Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
