Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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