Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
