I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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