Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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