I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
