I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
