He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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