i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
