I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
