I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
