I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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