hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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