New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
