I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
