But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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