are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
