go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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