the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
